


Train

by Lumin



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Romance, Spoilers, Trains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 01:03:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3402695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumin/pseuds/Lumin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He always loved the silence that accompanied his train rides with Jude. MASSIVE TOX2 ENDGAME SPOILERS!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Train

_Clickety clack, clickety clack._

The train rolled along the swerving tracks, and Ludger clutched the paper bag of groceries even tighter in his lap because he would never let his tomatoes tumble out onto the grimy floor. The bag was filled to the brim, but he held it expertly—he was used to cooking for a crowd, after all. He faced the opposite window with a tired stare as the smoky streets of Duval disappeared into the barren countryside. As the lazy, orange sunset dipped into the horizon, his mind wandered, searching for solutions he had already found.

Footsteps peppered the rusted, metal ground on either side as passengers scrambled to find seats on the crowded bench that lined the sides of the train car. At the far end of the bench, a man slid over to make room for a hobbling woman with a cane, setting off a chain reaction and....

"Ah! Sorry, Ludger!" A tuft of messy, dark chocolate hair collided against Ludger's shoulder. He looked down to see Jude scrunched up against his left arm, cheeks a frantic flush and limbs tense... tense like all those nights under Ludger's covers when Jude crumbled into his touch as if it was always his first time.

Ludger held back the wave of conflicted thoughts blaring through his head.

He gave Jude a reassuring nod, and Jude relaxed and returned to the notes scattered on his lap. Jude hiked up his lab coat up so it wouldn't get dirty—he always did—and the white fabric pooled into the narrow space between them. Ludger took quick, subtle glances in his direction as he mouthed the words as he read them, one finger to his forehead, slipping into deep concentration, shutting out everything but his thesis. Every time he blinked, his eyelids would stay shut for a few seconds, yearning for sleep.

And Ludger's heart raced, pounded like it needed to escape. His gaze returned to the opposite window. He let out a heavy sigh. A light tug on his sleeve dragged his view back to Jude, and the researcher tilted his head towards him, soft lips parsing open with a quiver. "Are you okay?" he asked, shriveling into the seat like he already knew the answer.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry... we don't have a choice-"

"I know." Ludger clutched the bag of groceries even tighter, staring the opposite window down with a glare that could shatter the panes. Jude buried himself back into his notes, retreating into silence.

_Clickety clack, clickety clack,_ sounded the train.

Ludger's lips twisted into a disjointed smile as he savored their silence, breathing in the scent of old books on Jude's slight form.

He always loved the silence that accompanied his train rides with Jude. It was _their_ silence, one that only existed when it was just the two of them. Jude would always immerse himself in the work he brought with him, and Ludger would sneak subtle glances in his direction when he wasn't looking so he wouldn't see the way his heart fluttered.

After a while, a breathy snore escaped Jude's lips. Ludger looked over, and Jude had drifted into slumber, limp fingers barely clutching his notes, his head against the puzzled man to his left. "Sorry," Ludger mouthed to the stranger. Shifting the weight of the groceries to one hand, he stuffed the notes securely into Jude's coat and propped the researcher up against his own shoulder. He steadied his arm against Jude's waist so he wouldn't slip away.

And when he was sure Jude was deep in slumber, Ludger leaned over and planted a kiss on his forehead, mentally sketching down the texture of Jude's hair against his chin like it was something he would forget.

He wanted to whisper something, but he didn't want to break their silence.

 

* * *

 

_Clickety clack, clickety clack._

Days passed. Ludger couldn't keep track of how many.

He sat on the same bench on the train, his eyes locked on the opposite window, his mind blank and muffled. Night had fallen over the green-flecked fields beyond Duval, and he steadied a paper bag of groceries on his lap.

The bag was lighter than usual.

His eyes veered to the left, yearning to feel something press against his shoulder... but the train car was empty. He remembered though... he would never forget the way Jude scrunched up against him, his lab coat hiked up into his lap so it wouldn't get dirty.

And images flashed through his mind of that white coat stained in dripping, red splotches, a blade pierced through its middle....

He didn't think he would regret killing Jude as much as he did.

_Don't die,_ his words echoed in his head.  _I didn't mean it... please don't die...._

His breath hitched. His teeth clenched. He couldn't stop the tears trickling down his cheeks.

_I love you,_ he mouthed out, unable to break the silence....

Because the silence was _theirs_.


End file.
